So the past few months have been crazy.
I found out in February, just after I had a minor car accident that I'm losing my job. All in all I've found out it was just a scare, but all my chef buddies are losing their job. It's weird cause I work in the kitchen, but don't get paid for being a chef, and the company don't have the money to pay for everyone to be made redundant therefore I think my job is saved. Which I now know.

Though it's just not a great year, I mean it'll never be as bad as last year, after I lost Zelda. But I guess since then it's just not been great this year either. I've never actually felt so miserable in my life. I feel like my boyfriend basically see's me as this trophy girlfriend, and most the time is sex or wanting sex and nothing much else. He recently ditched me for his friends, some leaving do, and like a fucking beg I am I went back and saw him after not really talking to him for a week or so. I think before that I found him lying to me about something so trivial.
I'm trying to exercise to stay happy but I don't know, the endorphin's aren't working anymore. I feel so miserable constantly. Even that's a struggle to do, to be honest.

Don't get me wrong, he helps me and goes through my hmewrk with me from school and that, but apart from that...

I know what you'll be thinking, oh just break up with him. I've tried so hard. So fucking hard. But it's hard seeing him hurt, and cry whenever we get into fights. But when it comes to love? Where is it? Unless I go and see him, or I arrange/suggest something.
Then theres the whole car thing. I feel like he doesn't understand how much it bothers me he doesn't have a car. Nearly two years in as well. Just get a fucking car.

I just feel like shit. I have a dead end job, I mean I'm at uni but I felt like I was something, and now I'm back to where I was three years later. And my boyfriend half doesn't give a shit about what I want. Like I never expected my life to be like this two years ago. I just thought I'd be happy at least.
I don't know, but I'm definitely feeling like I'm carrying some sort of dead weight on my heart for a while now. And I don't know what it is. I mean he's nice to me. He is a nice guy. Never means to be malicious. But that doesn't mean he hasn't been a prick. Maybe I've given it to as good as I've gotten too. But I don't know, I shouldn't be balling my eyes out, feeling sorry for myself.
Need to man up really. Sigh with that, I'm going bed, and going to see what tomorrow bring. Hopefully a run