woah

Why Hello, yes you, hello you ;)
So many months have passed since I last updated this blog, today I actually wondered whether I had deleted it!
So many many things have happened!
I got a job! In a cafe, which going to be fair I actually love the job to bits, the people I work with.. not so much. But I'll be leaving on Thursday! Which is rather exciting! I haven't even given in a notice, which is rather naughty of me, hey ho, I haven't been contracted there, so I'm not really bothered. muhahahahahaha
As I got another Christmas temp job.
oh Me and "Seb" are no longer friends, which is a massive woah, slap in the face, and just crazy, we haven't been talking since late April, and I'm still not over it..slightly.  
I changed colleges, currently doing a baking course, which I'm really enjoying! But for some unknown reason I feel judged, everyone else doing A-levels etc. I get the whole, oh it's fine, at least you're doing something which makes you happy. But at the back of my mind, it's not the norm, and what everybody else is doing. Final year before university, and all that crap. I still have another year left, and then probably get a full time job as a baker! Which sounds fantastic, but I feel so left out of everyone else's lives.. Everyone my age anyway. However I'm trying to be really enthusiastic about it, and honestly I love my course, but I'm hating it at the same time. I guess all the faces which are pulled but everyone when I say my colleges name doesn't help either.
I usually have the attitude of the whole, don't really care what people think, but I guess I'm just being an ass, and these feelings are unnecessary but they're there. Perhaps if I did fail my A-levels, I wouldn't be as bothered, but I didn't and personally I think I did meh/alright. So it does make me think would it been a better choice to stay on at A-level and finish it or even retake to improve my grades. But I didn't I just changed completely. I just hope it works out now, for the best I guess.

So that's me at the moment

Being disliked

Saying that what people say doesn't bothered is probably the biggest lie to leave my mouth. I do care, unfortunately a lot.

Apparently in my psychology class, what I thought one of the classes I liked the most, is what everyone in the class dislike me in. 

I never thought I was a someone that would irritate one enough, to hate, unless I am actually a bitch to their face. Then hating me is understandable. But never did I want to become, the fucking annoying chick in the class everyone hates. 

Not many people can take me as a person, a lot of patience is needed with me, and I need a person who just takes everything light heartedly . If not, we probably won't get along. Don't get me wrong I can be serious, but I've got to know to many painful things in my life, to sit with a frown on my face. I am also a judgemental person, to be fair if I ever met myself I know I would probably hate myself. I'm not going to lie. Unless I do, and I love the me, then awesome! 

Anyway on Wednesday's especially I sit right at the front of my class, and no one sits next to me, before a lad did, who dropped out of psychology, and once a chick sat next to me but she thought I was too strange so didn't want to sit next to me again. Another time, the guy who sits next to a space near me, moved a whole row of guys to move down so he didn't have to sit next to me. All of that didn't really bother me much, but on Wednesday, I don't even know. I was talking to my psychology teacher and well he tends to get easily distracted and because I am the only one he talks to, and when he goes off on one (gets distracted and starts talking about god knows what), it was because of me. Therefore the entire class for about an hour and a half, were really really angry with me. Which resulted in constant bitching about me. And one girl actually saying that she hated me. 

Being honest, if Nebla or Seb came to the same college as me, I would not give two shits about this, but because I don't even have them. College is harder, and so is making friends, but somehow I am making everyone hate me. I mean this one chick who I thought was really good friends with, is just completely annoyed with me, and well I don't really know. I do have a really good friend/s in the class, two maybe three. But it's just that the entire class? I adore what I have, but it does suck a lot that I've managed to get a lot of people irritated with me for something I feel isn't my fault. Much. 

I am going to start being quieter now, especially on my Wednesday lesson, because it's the only lesson I actually have with that certain teacher. But I do feel odd, because the teacher is the only person I talk to in that particular class, and when answering questions in all my psychology lessons, it's mainly me. So I'm a bit bothered by this, I won't lie. 

I guess it doesn't really help that I haven't seen my two best friends in forever too, so one is miserable enough. However I'm seeing them tomorrow, for a short while, as it's Neb's birthday which is quite exciting. 

Well looks like college is hated again. and oh great I have lovely Psychology first lesson tomorrow. 1.5 hours of fun I guess. Yay .. 

Beans