I feel lonely.
It comes and goes every so often and there will be realisation when i look at Adam and i genuinely wonder why am i doing with him if i feel so unhappy. And as per usual i just carry on with what i assume has to happen. It's school holidays and currently quarantining which finishes tomorrow thankfully. And just feel soooo bored. Bored and lonely.
Little update from last post. Landlord was shit so went onto buying a house. Also got engaged at Christmas. Then we broke up for a month because a was lying and hiding his drinks.
It's bizarre with A. I have moments where i feel like he is the best thing in the world and i could never live without him. Then some moments and probably more often then not i just honestly do not understand why we are together.
Even when we proposed at Christmas time, it was just because its time for the next step. We've bought a house together what's next. I don't understand why I'm in it. He's hurt me so many times, and there are times were he will just not acknowledge shit I want. Simple things around the house. It's always a no. I probably am the same. But i just don't feel happy.
I know I'm rambling. That's what you are here for. To let out my shit thoughts that i have constantly. All of a sudden we are back in this shit place and I'm exhausted with living with him. Though makes me think how lonely i would feel by myself. Maybe happier because i only have my own self to let me down. Im clearly having a moment. Tomorrow i have plans to make chicken curry and go car boot sale, then home clean and school work. Maybe even a walk.
And maybe things will change in a few weeks as i bought a dog! And i will feel less lonely. Doubt the cats will be happy though haha
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